As a man thinketh...

What is your narrative? (Who wrote your cue cards?)
We all have a story we tell ourselves, about us, about the world, about others... There are key words or phrases, and snapshots of moments where we 'decided' who we are, and what is true about us. 
Often, without  realizing it, we live our daily lives out of this narrative. We put on the costume, and the makeup and we go about our days as the person we believe we are, and we respond to the external cues from a pre-set script.
That is great! If it is a good story... If what we tell ourselves about ourselves is productive, generous, honest.
But, so often, because of events in our past, and who we were at the time they occurred, our narrative is a negative story, where our character is a victim. So, we might perceive an external cue as a slight or an attack, and respond to it from a defensive or yielding stance, without ever actually  having surveyed the scene.
Here is what I am finding out, as I look into why I am so often frustrated with where I am in life.
When things don't go according to my plans, the voice in my head says something like, "oh, yeah, here we go again... nothing ever works our for poor little Robin. Why should she expect to get to..., something always comes along to rob her of ..."
You see? 
And out of that train of thought comes the natural follow-through of, "Why get your hopes up? Its too exhausting, this roller-coaster of Hope-Disappointment, Hope-Disappointment. Why not just coast out in ease? Why dream of great things? You know what will happen. You will work and try and plan, and then all of life will turn and put you back on your ass again. Why bother...?"
You can see how having this guy holding the microphone in a dark corner of your stage, a murky little spot light casting an eerie glow on his pale, bloated face would be disconcerting. You can see why,if you knew he was there, directing you around the stage, you would have an ambient sense of dread, waking up each day to do it all again. (need to look into why my narrator is a he...)
That is the martyr/victim character I have often played by default. But there are so many forms we are practiced at playing. Maybe in the narrative we believe, we are the hero, but in real life we live less than heroic. Not consciously choosing our responses to external stimuli, can effectively make us dishonest with ourselves about how effective we are at our lives, our relationships, our jobs.
I, for instance, on any given day might wake up and 'decide' to embody the character of the martyr, the hero, the victim, the fun girl, the sex pot, the inventor, the best selling author, the champion of downtrodden, super mom or grandma or both... I lead a busy life!
Because this is generally a back story, we are seldom aware of how this default monologue effects our thoughts and actions. How, if we were conscious of it, we might choose a new voice to let guide our thoughts.
And that is what I am working on changing in my life just now.
I look back and I can see, that in my attempt, for instance, to get fit and loose weight, I was simultaneously sabotaging myself with my narrative.
My self-talk was counter productive, because, after so many 'failures', I had begun to believe it was a loosing battle I could never win. What sane person would enter such a battle?! But I am stubborn, so I would start again. I would set my goal (though leave it a little loose so no one (me) could really say if I won or lost.) I would create my plan (though vague enough I had mostly wiggle room.) And then for a good few days I would talk big about it (mostly to myself)and make attempts at exercise, ("That is going to give me a heart attack. My knees can't take that. Two days in a row is fine. Weekends don't count. I'm too broken to treat myself this hard anymore. No-one expects a grandma to be a sporty model.")
And sometimes, because people in life besides you let you down, they are easy scapegoats for your personal shortcomings. "Well, if he spent as much time helping me get fit as he does on his own fitness... Well if they didn't bring food into the house they know I am trying not to eat... Well, if it wasn't so far to the gym... Well, if I had my own pool..."
The problem here, is that when you look at the most amazing people in the world, doing the most amazing things, being the change they want to see in the world, being the most amazing version of themselves, etc... they usually are doing it against all odds!
Yeah, let that sink in. They usually had the deck stacked against them and won anyway. They came from less than functional families or less than ideal circumstances, and so on.
So, maybe they give themselves the winning edge, by purposefully choosing their narrative? Maybe they write their own cue cards?
More and more,I think I am on to something. Something that could change my 'luck' and help me see results in my life, where once there were only disappointments.
As I listen to the podcasts by outstanding folks like Rachel Hollis, Rich Roll, David Goggins, Emily Fletcher, and others, I am picking up on key phrases that dispel the false narratives, that shed light into the dark corners of my thinking, that clarify and validate my true beliefs. 
I am compiling a list, making new cue cards and programming my mind to win, by being pro-active and prepared. Proverbs 23:7 "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." The task ahead is to align what I think/know in my heart about myself, and what my mind tells me.
In a future blog, I will share my list for your use...
So, for today, I will leave you with this quote, which I have had on my desk for a while and should have put who said it on the card, but I think Scott told it to me from a book he read...
"This is WAR. Maintain the initiative."